Summer is almost here. Or so I heard. I think there might still be snowbanks fortifying my house, and snow muffles noise, so I might have heard wrong. But you heard it too, and therefore you might be on the verge of making a Summer splurge of a mistake:
Working out.
Don't do it. Being in poor shape is cheaper. And this site prioritizes financial fitness over physical fitness any day.
Breaking News: My wife just told me I am not allowed to say that, and as penance I have to go jogging with her more often. So that's my problem.
You have problems of your own. Specifically, you want to get in shape. This is good news for your arteries, but potentially troublesome for your finances.
Exercise in the age of Marty McFly, Jr.
With the increase in sunny hours, and the warmth beckoning you to reveal more skin, you resolve to get in shape this summer. No, f*%# just getting in shape, this year is the year you get downright sexy. Make-people-stare sexy.
You buy a gym membership to do it. Best gym around. You also opt in for some classes with a personal trainer and maybe buy a diet book on the bestseller list.
If you are really committed, and understand the value of data-driven analytics in our modern society, you might even purchase a wearable device that allows you to track your progress and plot it out. 21st-century sexy.
What You Want For Yourself
You discover you can’t get sexy until you feel sexy, or at least you can’t get athletic in the gym without the proper athletic attire. So you buy the latest staples from an athletic clothing retailer.
You buy and buy and buy. Oh, not much at first, just enough to get you started and comfortable and feeling good about yourself. A few things to make you lithe and strong and new and impressive.
You find that since the last time you lied to yourself about getting in shape, they have invented even more accessories, attire and consumables that you absolutely need if you are going to maximize your workout efficiency. Balancing bracelet to guarantee against injury? Sure, throw that in the cart too.
Great. You are on your way to changing your life and taking charge of your health.
Except that despite of how proud you are with yourself for finally taking initiative and finally pushing toward better health and a tighter rump, you haven’t actually accomplished anything other than squeezing yourself into outfits that gymnasts would wear as part of a highway chain-gang detail.
The Problem This Poses For Your Budget
You dropped hundreds, which will lead to thousands, to pay for the gear, the empowerment, and the right to do what you largely could have done with an old pair of sneakers you strapped on before running on the free sidewalk in your neighborhood. And you can do pushups, situps, lunges, planks, stretches, yoga, and go on runs without any money investment at all.
Seems like that small initial expenditure became a vortex of material purchasing all for something that is entirely free.
Let’s go to the scoreboard:
Calories Burned = 0
Money Spent > 0
Let me ask you this, if I put a Thigh-Master for sale on this site, would you buy it? I mean for anything other than an awesomely retro Halloween costume? No, you wouldn’t, because it’s ridiculous, and unnecessary, and despite its best efforts, largely ineffective. Same goes for your new-age, graphine-fiber, moisture-wicking yoga pants.
Do I like my wife wearing them? Yeah, of course. I ain’t dead.
Does it make financial sense? Not always, and not if it requires building an entirely separate wing of the house to act as a closet for her extensive pastel-shaded workout wardrobe. Same goes for you, chica. Or chico. Throwing good money mindlessly at a self-improvement cause is an equal opportunity crime.
Workout Gear is a Gateway Drug
The real problem isn't that you are diving into a new and healthier lifestyle with gusto. It's that you are most likely hiding behind a wall of money and goods to avoid the real issue.
You can say that buying the carbon-fiber bike makes you committed to the act because now you don't want the money to go to waste. You can pretend that purchasing a bulk order of fitness classes at the gym makes you more reluctant to blow them off. Hopefully, your financial sacrifice commits you to a physical sacrifice, but ultimately, if you are not motivated enough to do it without putting your dollars behind it, you will lack the motivation to see it through to the end even with the sunk cost. And you'll be broker for it.
Fatty Excuses > 0
Bank Account Now < Bank Account Before Lightweight Endurance Shoelaces
Workout gear is a gateway purchase like that. Once you succumb to the fallacy that you need those special shoes or that headband or that app, you have already admitted to yourself and to the financial gods that you are willing to trade in your hard-earned money for the mental illusion that the gear will make it easier for you to stay committed, or even better, that the gear will already make you healthier and look better without even lifting a dumbbell. Once that dam breaks, it is hard to stop it back up.
This phenomenon crests with the unfortunate natural truth that for each new workout item you purchase, the number of excuses to not workout is always greater by one.
Fatty Excuses = Workout Tools +1
Let's Be Real
Get something comfortable, get something safe, but then don’t get anything else. Instead, use that time to do planks and distract yourself during them by thinking about how for each 90 seconds of painful core-strengthening torture, you are making 0.0001 cents on the $100 you invested instead of blowing it on a 4th Lulu Lemon pullover.
And you’ll need that extra savings because you are going to be living longer now that you are getting physically fit.
Hooray?